It may sound odd, but a good number of people still live in the past.
Sure, they are here in the present, but mentally, they’ve let the past and all its limitations, dictate how they see things in the present and what they can or cannot do. Some of the most crippling limitations are issues we have never quite dealt with from as early as childhood.
If they never get resolved, we can never push past them, and therefore, we can never go beyond what we think we can.
And then, of course, there is the pain we felt when we were thoroughly humiliated by someone, or was hurt terribly by a past love, a betrayal by a person we trusted without question. These are just some of the pains we have faced and have built certain “immunities” to guard against anyone whom we think will do the same thing to us again.
We face all kinds of pain, some of it physical, some of it emotional. In addition to what we have already mentioned, there is pain from getting hit, but there is also pain from knowing that you, as well, were the cause of something that hurt someone.
But most of all, for many, there exists a pain inside of them because they did not do the things that they think they should have. They created an identity hero inside of themselves that they’ve built a life around that they counted on, but when it came time to act the way in which they were supposed to, they froze.
And because of that, they somehow became paralyzed mentally after knowing what should have been done, what could have been, but didn’t materialize because they didn’t do what they thought they should have. Because of what happened, they may sit on the couch, stunned, paralyzed for a while, until they can get up the strength to move to the refrigerator and pick up a can of beer and a bag of potato chips, helping to numb something physical in hopes it will cure the emotional pain they feel.
We so love our temporary “fixes” don’t we? It works well for a while, until, for example, the tolerance for alcohol gets higher, and now you need a whole case of beer to feel the same way. Until it gets to a point where you now you have a whole new problem to deal with.
What bubbles up to the surface may be something that seems totally different from the root cause of the issue, even uglier. We try to treat it with the wrong medication, alcohol, drugs, food, distracting videos, etc. And we all know that we’re just adding to the problem and not fixing the root cause at all.
But know this: The pain we have experienced is pain in the past that we have survived. And because we have survived it, we can fix it. However, we do need to find a different way to fix it and take decisive action on it.
Doing something new to fix a seemingly impossible problem is scary, yes. When facing new territory in which you have no idea what is about to happen, when the worst fears you can imagine take hold of you, even the better alternative seems to be to face a pain that you’ve already experienced because you know somehow you will survive it.
The unknown, the new alternative action you’re about to take, could end up being far worse, so you think. And so many people don’t opt for the new challenge of finding their ultimate cure. They go back to the couch and hope (grab a beer), and hope (grab a beer), and hope (grab a beer and some chips).
That’s definitely not your soul talking! That’s the hurt inner child, the amygdala of your brain, trying to convince you to stay behind and settle for survival. You’ve lost a lot, but it’s better than nothing, right?
You weren’t born with the ability to change your world, to build skyscrapers, make vaccines that cured millions, invent ways of feeding millions when there were none, to build a worldwide web, to create miracles of birth, and to do things we can’t even imagine yet just for nothing!
No, you and I all have the innate ability to solve pretty much any problem that we face. We were given this ability and chance to show how truly creative and innovative, and especially, strong and resilient we can be.
We know you have everything you need inside of you to get this figured out. But if some of you are wondering, “How do I start?” we have several ways in which you can start your journey to dealing with past pains, and heal. Also, in the process, you may find your true nature and calling in this world.
Massive Steps Towards Your Healing:
1. Look within in order to find your way out
You will need to look inside yourself to find what’s the issue. This is not an easy task, as you have built up walls of emotion and fear and anger. It’s a formidable barrier! But not impossible to break. It can be scary to go it alone. Why not get some help, if at least someone who can be with you at that moment when the trauma happened? Hopefully this will be the last time you have to relive the past.
You can find various people who can help you, therapists, psychologists. Other alternatives you may wish to explore are meditation, NLP or neuro linguistic programming, and EFT emotional freedom technique, the last three are techniques you can learn and do on your own as well.
This is related to the first suggestion we offer. Journaling is like going through your past, but keeping a written record of what you have experienced in your mind, and especially how it felt to you. It is very helpful, not only as a written record of what you experienced, but also it may serve you in the future, should you wish to share these experiences with others, for the purpose of your own healing, or maybe in the future, for the purpose of helping others with similar pains.
Start with a fresh book, begin where you think your pain occurred, and don’t worry where it leads you as you write. You will know, and your emotions and your subconscious will guide you to the right place, the right time in the past.
3. Volunteering or selfless acts of giving
Lastly, we have one surefire way of starting and gaining momentum. And that is by the Power of Giving. Whether you’ve figured out your pain or not, this can lead to a lot of healing and being able to move forward in a positive and powerful way.
Growing and giving, that’s what so many of us are really striving for, to realize the power we have of impacting others. Whatever you need to do, don’t hold back. Your voice and your actions could be the one that changes someone’s destiny, maybe yours and mine!
If you have no idea what to do, why not try to say a kind word to somebody? I know right now it’s hard, but you could send a message to someone, say something nice, something encouraging to them while they are also trying to spread their wings and fly. You could be their spark today!
When you get that feeling that you’ve served someone, that you made a difference in someone’s life today, it can become a really good habit. It can become one of the most satisfying and meaningful “addictions” you could ever get used to. And with this addiction, the “feel good” receptors always give back. You may even find yourself on the receiving end of someone else’s good deed. In fact, I’m sure you will, once you start getting the wheels in motion, it’s contagious!
When you are able to help build others up, you feel great about yourself as well!
As Mahatma Ghandi once said, “BE the change you want to see in the world.”
And another great man by the name of Tony Robbins says, “The secret to living is giving.”
Go for it.
You don’t even have to move an inch. You could start right here, on your smartphone or laptop. Or you could move and do something. It’s all good.
You may have been hurt. But you don’t have to go back to that past anymore. You can start by healing yourself. And ironically the best way of healing yourself is by healing others!
You got this!!!